Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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