Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
