Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize