the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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