Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
