I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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