The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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