My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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