I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
