ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
