Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i dont even know how to be here
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
