me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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