What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it's like iHOP with fire
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
