I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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