I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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