My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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