textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize