i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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