I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
