Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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