Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone came in the potted fern
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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