On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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