oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
