You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
