This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
