just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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