Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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