I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
