nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
