Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
