Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
