Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
