Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
