He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
