The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
