i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
honey bunches of taint.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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