Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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