Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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