You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize