The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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