oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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