You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
