Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
