halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
