Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
