TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
