I am midnight drunk by noon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
