I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
