She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
