Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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