What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
