were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
