people are starting to question the shark bite story
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
