so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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