I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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