so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
