We're facebook friends in real life
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
