I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
