you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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