Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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