i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
