Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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