Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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