I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
