party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i think i have two assholes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
