First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize