i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
