i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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