these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
