Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
