i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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