I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
