Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
