I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
