I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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