I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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