i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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