Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize