When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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