I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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