Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
