Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
