make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
