The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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