just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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