Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
