There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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