I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
