So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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