That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
