I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
