Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
