I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
