fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
