god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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