I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
