My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
