She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
