He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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