Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize